For my Ger

Weather: Cloudy with some sunshine in HCM.
Mood: Neutral. Not much feelings. But at least, I am not sad (for now).
*******************************************************************************
Start to blog again. At least if I can sign in, I will blog. Ger, are you reading this? I know you are my No.1 fan :) For you, I will continue to write.

Today feels like a normal day (for now). Back to work, back to proposal making (I make proposals faster than making babies :P). Anh is back to work too, I am so glad and happy to know this. Thanks Anh!

It seems that life is kinda back to normal (for now). The pain has subsided (for now). The tears are gone (for now). I am able to laugh a bit (for now).

Thanks Ger, thanks for being here and there for me always. For picking up ur phone and hearing me wailing into your ears like nobody's business, for 10 mins straight. For skyping with me till 2am, even though your eyes are closing. For sharing with me and in the process of doing so, touching your own wounds again.

Thanks Liwen.

Thanks Furry.

Thank God.

To love someone

To love someone, it means letting him go.
To love someone, it means respecting his decision.
To love someone, it means wanting him to be happy.
To love someone, it means being selfless.

Anh ah, you must remember what we discussed tonight.

Anh ah, you must have more courage, have more backbone.

Anh ah, you must differentiate between true family/frens and superficial family/frens.

Anh ah, you will never know how much I love you. Until you can be selfless.
*********************************************************************************
Geri, I feel better after chatting with you. You have been my support and shoulder for the past 4 days (and of course, Edwin & Sis).
*********************************************************************************
I have never experienced such an intense love. It makes me laugh, makes me happy. But it also makes me cry, makes me pain.
*********************************************************************************
I must have faith. I must believe. I must take this risk for 1 final time.

FINALLY

I finally can log into my blog :)

Watch this space for updates ... <3

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Weather: Neither sunny nor cloudy in HCM

Mood: Happy, light and smiley :)

********************************************************************************

I am back in HCM, back in office for work. Not much emails to clear, but I have to finish preparing for a tender due next Friday.

Today is also the 1st day of class for Edwin and Geri at NUS and NTU respectively. I miss my cousins, and since all of them (including Jon) are in school, there is NO ONE to chat with me online. Edwin is not around to squeak me live commentary of SGX (stock-watching is soooo boring without the furry one), Geri is not around to UNO or girls' talk with me (I cannot even gossip with her about Coffee or Dino), even Jon is not free to yak with me... Sis has been missing from MSN for weeks (where are you, Kuah?), Fren is still in China (come back soon!!). Anh is in Vung Tau for work till Wed...*sob sob* poor me... :(

Nevertheless, I am still full of energy because I feel smooth in work. Strangely, I did not really miss Anh today, I only feel sleepy...zzzz.. :P

Oh yes, why shops in HCM close bloody early? I went to DFS in town and it was closed at 7pm?! Wasted trip there! I managed to eat a little at Centro, and msn on wifi, but my appetite has been poor lately, so I did not enjoy my food too. Ah....is this a sign for further slimming? I hope I slim down a bit more, just a lil' more....Hahahah!!! ^_^

Anyway, Miss Mai had a new camera phone. She and Xiao Jie took pictures for us in office today:

Me and my new hairstyle (can see that its purplish?)

Miss Mai and me

My Xiao Jie and me

Friday - Sunday, 7 - 9 August 2009

Weather: Sunny days in Singapore
Mood: Happier, calmer and laugh a lot a lot ^_^
************************************************************************************
Home trips always do wonders for my mood - I tend to relax, laugh and enjoy. Of course, I miss Anh too. Hahahaha :)

Beauty trips to the hair salon and spa/facial place are a MUST on my trips home. I got a deep rich purple color and more texture in my hair - thanks to Liz. I regain my beautiful stylish hair again after 4 months' of absence!! Got my face cleansed and treated to radiance, had a full body massage at Angela's place. My mood automatically improved when I saw myself glowing in the mirror.

Cousins and Liwen came over to my house for mahjong and food on Sunday. Thanks to Mom and Dad, we had a sumptous dinner and wonderful mahjong. Edwin, Jon and Dingyue are so funny together, Geri and I laughed non stop. Even recalling now, brings smile back to my face :P

I felt peaceful and happy throughout this trip, no quarrels, no tears, no anger. Just music, love, food, laughter, hugs :)

Thanks Dee and Mee
Thanks furry Bro
Thanks Geri
Thanks Jonny Boy
Thanks Dingyue Ge Ge
Thanks Kuah
Thanks Dino
*********************************************************************************
Geri introduced me to James Morrison and I have been hooked on his songs ever since.

My favourite song - "If You Don't Wanna Love Me"

When you lower me down
So deep that I, I can't get out
And when you're lost, lost and alone
Yes you'd think it was the last place
You'd come back for more

If you don't want me to leave
Then don't push me away
Rather blow out the lights
You can watch it all fade
But I'm going nowhere
I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
When you're closing your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
You can't push me to far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

And when there's no, no stone
Then how can I feel the corn
If there's nothing, nothing, nothing left to lose
Then what is this feeling
That keeps on bringing me back to you

So I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And you're closing your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

So I'm gonna stay, yes I will
You can't push me to far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

And if you ask me to leave
And I walked away
We'd still be alone
And we'd still be afraid
I'm going nowhere
I'm going nowhere
'Cause I'm gonna stay

When you just wanna fight
And there's tears in your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me
I'm gonna stay

All the tears that I've cried
I could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me
Could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me

Friday, 7 August 2009

Weather: Gloomy and cloudy in HCM, hazy and cloudy in Singapore
Mood: Mixed - sad in morning, peaceful in afternoon, happier at night
**************************************************************************************
Back to Singapore for the weekend :) Whee!!!

Had lunch with Anh at Terrace Cafe, our favourite Bun Thit Nuong (BBQ pork with fresh vermicelli, vege and fish sauce) and Cafe Sua Da (Iced coffee with milk).

Reached Singapore and came back home to homecooked beehoon and soup by Mummy, a night of chatting with Geri and Nai, smell my bed, lazed in my room. Had goodnight kisses from Anh ah. I feel smoother and happier.

The sweetest words I heard today:

"Anh think (for the whole night) if *** wants em to work in China, em don't work for them. Anh don't like em to work in China, anh doesn't want em to work so far, not safe (alone). Anh doesn't feel good. Its ok if em works in Singapore, Vietnam or Malaysia, but not China."

Anh is usually very quiet with his thoughts, he is a calm person who is reserved about expressing all his feelings and thoughts, he will think for very long and clearly before saying it. I know I am the one of the few, if not only, person whom he shares a lot with. Hence I m really touched by his words today.

"A man's silence is a wonderful thing to listen to."
- by Thomas Hardy

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Weather: Cloudy, showers in the afternoon and early evening
Mood: Happy, still have a nagging headache (argh!!)
**************************************************************************************
Today, I realized that men cannot be pampered (always). We do things for them out of love, and sometimes, we expect them to pamper us in return too :)

I had a long and insightful conversation with Jie yesterday, and we discussed about this. It seems that a relationship is really not easy to maintain and nurture. Our partner is a different person from us, and we have to learn to accept each other's flaws, magnify each other's strengths, compromise and tolerate, forgive and forget. This is a lifelong process and we will always be learning about each other.

I finally 'compiled' the qualities that I am looking for in my man: Love, care, understanding, sensitivity, patience, responsibility, tolerance.

<一个爱你的男人> - 张小娴

要知道一个男人爱不爱你，那还不容易吗?

爱你的那个人会给你尊严。

什么样的尊严?

他让你觉得自己高贵。

他让你觉得你在他的世界里是最重要的。你的地位不会排在他的事业之后。

他不会要你每天等他的电话，却从来不说什么时候会打来，也不说会不会打来。

约会之后，他不会放心你独个儿回家。不管已经多晚，也不管你住得多远，他会陪你走那段回去的路。

他不会让你总是孤伶伶地等他回家。

他不会认为你的工作比不上他的工作重要。

他肯定你的工作能力，支持你为梦想奋斗。他不介意常常要等你下班等到很晚。

他不会要你为他放弃工作。

他不可以忍受他的朋友批评你和对你不好。他会跟这些朋友绝交。

他不会在你面前盯着另一个女人看，也不会对着你不停称赞另一个女人的美貌和智慧。

上床之后，他不会要你出去买点东西回来给他吃。

上床之后，他不会赶忙穿上裤子回家去。

他让你相信，你是他今生最幸福的际遇。

他把悲伤留给自己，把痴心留给你。

Monday, 3 August 2009

Weather: HCM is generally sunny, with a light drizzle in the early evening
Mood: Generally happy, with a tinge of sadness before bedtime (Fren, I remember you said that bedtime is for sleep only, so I try to cheer up and sleep :P)
************************************************************************************

I had a good weekend and today is Monday again :P

Its a busy Monday, as usual, because I have an ongoing tender to prepare, and other small enquiries to follow. Office is still very very quiet, though there are more ongoing tenders (for M&E) now. Work and life in Vietnam is always like this: slow, light-hearted and friendly. Even when we face deadlines and difficulties, we still have time to eat, chit chat and laugh. Vietnamese's moods are not dampen by deadlines or crisis > this is one thing I like about being in Vietnam: less stress, more quality life and time.

I spent the whole day reading specs, chatting with frens and colleagues, playing UNO with Geri (so so so fun!!!). Its not a super productive day, but I have a new idea to modify my specs. Ah....modify specs = I do design and specifications for some consultants and they use this to present to Owner and integrate into the tender documents.

Anh is very cooperative today. He sms to tell me that he is going to Dong Nai province and will be back after 6pm. Haha, finally my dinosaur 'learns' > must keep each other informed. Because we tend to meet after work everyday, for dinner and chit chat, hence when one of us is late from work, we need to inform > this minimizes waiting time and frustration. Somehow, we have fallen into a domestic cycle, the feeling is very comfortable and smooth now.

I had pasta for dinner with a new book: "Thanks for the memories" by Cecelia Ahern (thanks to Geri and Jon for this birthday book). Dunno why, these days I love pasta and pizza...and I have to spend extra time in the gym because of all the carbo and calories from them!!! Passed by ice-cream shop and I got 2 tubs of ice-cream too, yummy yummy ^^

Anh came back from Dong Nai and we had ice-cream with icewine. Now now now...icewine is really nice, its sweeter than red wine, and goes very very well with desserts. Hahaha :) Under my coaching, Anh has more appreciation for wine now (he used to drink beer only). In Vietnam, most people like to drink beer or Vietnamese wine; red and white wines are not very popular now.

After Anh went home, I feel a bit bit sad. I love my life now, I like the routine too, I even enjoy staying alone. Of course, I miss my family and frens in Singapore. But to think of it, I have really adapted to the life in VN, and other than my immediate family, a few close cousins and friends, I have virtually lost touch with all other people in Singapore. I have even lost touch with the happenings in Singapore.

Mummy always says, "My pig pig has nothing to worry. She should be one of the happiest person in the world." Sigh, but I am a human, and every human has problems. As I get older, I realized life cannot be without sadness/tears, but what I can do is: minimize sadness and maximise happiness.
<心事的房子> -- 张小娴
"心情原来也可以沉淀。如许心事，渐渐会化为傻气的泪水，化为酒后脸上的微红，甚至化作一种深度。试问又有哪一个有点智慧的人是没有心事的? 心事是一个人那幢虽然残破却舍不得放弃的房子。"

A little note for today: I recalled curling up on the sofa with Anh after ice-cream, and I suddenly asked him, "Why you love me?" Hehehe, Anh replied, "Em ah, we have been together for almost 2 years, and now em ask anh why anh love em ah?" Hehhehe, actually we know the answer, but its just a silly 'game' that I like.
<女人的花冠> - 张小娴
"许多女人都玩过这个明知故问的 ‘游戏’: 你知道这个男人喜欢你，他看你的眼神总是含情脉脉。他什么都抢着替你效劳。他随传随到，不传也到。他爱跟你消磨时光。他每晚都打电话来跟你聊天，好像一天里就是等待这一刻......然而，他却从来不说喜欢你。
.
.
.
终于，他情深款款地说: ‘我喜欢你。’
就在他剖白的那一刻，你对着电话筒甜甜地笑了。
和他玩这个游戏，只是想听他说爱你，这是女人小小的虚荣。这小小的虚荣的一刻，是爱情放在一个女人头顶上的美丽花冠，在记忆中永不凋谢。"

Countdown to end of September

I have not blogged for very very very long, and today, I wanna blog. Because I have exactly 2 months left in HCM and I want to record down every single happy/sad/angry/emo moment of this period. The posts will be backdated because I can only blog the day after....hahah :)

Check this space for updates ^_^

My recent look:

Oi...

I have not blog for so long, because I am into using Facebook recently. Used to hesitate from signing up for an account, but I wanted to see my nephews' pictures so I sign up for it (a very big motivation), and now I enjoy using it :)

Haha, anyway...I am so irritated that I must blog. Sorry Anh ah, I know I have promised you last week, that I won't be stubborn or 'very princess'. I remember I promise to be more considerate. BUT today is an exception, I am irritated beyond words. So here it goes...

Some people just like to constantly 'prick' me. For no rhyme or reason, they like to find faults or problems with my work/lifestyle etc.

Generally, I can be very easy-going with money $$$, but when I m irritated and pricky, I CALCULATE every single cent. As the sages say, 'Do not do unto others what you do not want them to do to you". So if people calculate with me, I shall not hesitate to calculate in return and I shall be MORE calculative.

Stop asking me to report where I go, which road did I take, which taxi did I use etc...how can I remember? Yes, the human brain is the most powerful computer, BUT who are you? Why should I report all my actions and activities to you? I have to remember my customers, meeting details, our conversation, prices...How can i be bothered with little details? A smarter and time-saving way is to: set a budget and give me space to plan my activities. If you rein me in, how can I even perform?

I do not care how bad is the economy. I can eat in fine restaurants, but I can also eat bread with water everyday. DO NOT prick me further.

Valentine's

"。。。其实爱对了人，情人节每天都过。。。"

Somehow this song by Fish Leong popped into my head yesterday.

I did not have a happening V-day. No posh restaurants, no big bouquets of flowers, no gifts, no coffee sessions...anyway, in our 25-odd years of life, I never get this on V-day!

On the contrary, I had a peaceful, quiet and relaxing V-day. Spent time talking and sharing, went around a while to get some wind and fresh air.

I realized the real meaning of Christmas, New Year, V-day.... to have your loved one beside you, as long as we have love, everyday is Christmas, everyday is New Year, everyday is V-day :)

Cold cold HCMC

A cold wave came into HCMC this week! Mornings and evenings are cold, with temperatures going as low as 19degC. I love the cold! :)

I remember last year, this period, I was in Hanoi for a week. It was both a business trip and also a mini holiday. The weather was super cold too, and on some days, it dipped below 8degC. We celebrated A's birthday there too, as we flew there on 16 Jan. This year, we cannot go to Hanoi and must stay in HCMC.

BUT...
God is good, He brought Hanoi's weather to HCMC and let us re-lived the memories of Hanoi. When HCMC is cold, the streets are similar to Hanoi (just a few more motors). As we walked on the walkways, we enjoy the cold air, the lights, and hot steaming coffee by the sidewalk cafes.

Cold weather in HCM

我们说好的幸福呢?

Every song I hear now reflects my mood.

周杰伦 - 说好的幸福呢
词：方文山 曲：周杰伦

你的绘画凌乱着 在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽 甜蜜散落了
情绪莫名的拉扯 我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌 假装没事了

时间过了 走了 爱情面临选择
你冷了 倦了 我哭了
一开始的不快乐 你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这 真的懂了

怎么了 你累了 说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着 你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻 我都还记得

你不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着 要怎么停呢
********************************************************************************************

是的，我们说好了，约定了，承诺了。
难道我们都忘了吗?

Little Nonya

Watched the last few episodes of this drama when I am back in SG for New Year.

The story is sad.

The theme song is sadder.

I cry everytime I hear it. Especially today.

【小娘惹】主題曲 - 《如燕》
詞曲: 陳佳明
編曲: Terence Teo
演唱: Olivia Ong

愿意合上眼才能美梦无边
别让悔熏乌了从前
也许碎片才能让回忆展颜
何妨瓷花拼凑明天

谁带我寻获幸福的模
却自己谜中困锁
谁为我留下缱绻的天涯
信物是抹晚霞

思念如燕它飞舞舌尖
若是真爱配尝几分苦甜
意念婆娑时间里推磨
追随到何处才结果

燕如针线在青空缝编
几幅女红将以泪缀点
誓言斑驳情雾只是经过
风雨中且让我盈步婀娜