我要快乐

A song from A*Mei (Zhang Hui Mei):

<我要快乐>
又被爱伤了一遍 无所谓 当作成长
刚刚走开的人 烟还点着 味道却淡了
我并不是天生爱寂寞 却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我 我还是一无所有

**我要快乐 我要能睡得安稳
有些人 不抱了才温暖 离开了才不恨 我早应该割舍
我要快乐 哪怕笑得再大声
心不是热的 全都是假的 只有眼泪 是真的

把从前想了一遍 谢谢了 伤我的人
想做乐观的人 每种雨声 听了都不冷
我并不是天生爱寂寞 却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我 我还是一无所有

Repeat **

I like this song, aptly describe my thoughts: 我并不是天生爱寂寞 却比任何人都多

Some ppl may look good on surface, lotsa support and love from parents, family & frens. But in their hearts, they know its not true. Alone, they are always alone, always dependant on themselves. When faced with critical issues/situations, who can they depend on? Only themselves. As a saying goes, '子非鱼，焉知鱼快乐乎?' ---> you are not me, how can you judge whether I am a happy person. There is no such thing in the world as 'you should be a happy person wat, what's there to be unhappy about?' --> do not judge ppl when you are not them.

I closed myself once, then opened up again, but so many things happen, and all the problems point to one fact: to avoid these, i must not be open, cannot be myself, cannot reveal my thoughts, cannot do things and talk freely. Once, I did what ppl told me to, be whom each of them like; then I felt fake, I decided to change, and be whom I want to be, let them accept who I am. But it turns out to be worse, they dislike me for whom I am, create problems for me, cannot accept that I am different, think that i have changed. Indeed, I changed backto who I actually am.

I decided to shut myself again. Not that I want, but the situation calls for it.